Do unto others...
As you damn well please, if you have diplomatic immunity
An eye for an eye...
Is a reasonably even trade-off. A pancreas for an eye, however... well, that becomes much more interesting.
If you can't beat 'em...
Cheat
If it ain't broke...
Some shithead will fuck it up sooner or later.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day...
Give a man food stamps, and he'll eat junk food for a lifetime, at taxpayer expense.
Honesty is the best policy...
But lying can be remarkably practical and effective as well.
The grass is always greener...
Well, maybe not in California lately
If you don't have anything nice to say...
Spew torrents of scornful vitriol instead
A journey of a thousand miles...
Begins with TSA Security
Life is like a box of chocolates...
Well, no, not really
Some say the glass is half empty.
Others say the glass is half full.
I say the glass is shattered and the contents have spilled all over the place, making a terrible mess.
Early to bed and early to rise...
Wow, your life is boring
When in Rome...
Watch out for pickpockets
If Life Gives You Lemons...
Consider suicide
A Penny Saved...
Is not actually worth much. In fact, it costs the U.S. Mint more than one cent to make a penny, so it actually has negative value if you think about it.
