The squeaky wheel...is really fucking annoying.

Too many cooks...
Are getting stoned in the parking lot before their shifts.

Do unto others...
As you damn well please, if you have diplomatic immunity

An eye for an eye...
Is a reasonably even trade-off. A pancreas for an eye, however... well, that becomes much more interesting.

If you can't beat 'em...
Cheat

If it ain't broke...
Some shithead will fuck it up sooner or later.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day...
Give a man food stamps, and he'll eat junk food for a lifetime, at taxpayer expense.